Anyone For Clamato?

clamato drink So I’m driving down the street yesterday and I see a billboard that says, simply but forcefully, “Clamato y Cerveza !” Yes, indeedy. I’ve never actually had Clamato, but as I understand it, we’re looking at a mixture of tomato juice and clam juice (… that’s the juice of a clam — and I’m not exactly sure what that means — just how is this “juice” extracted?). That sounds disgusting enough, but then you go and add BEER to it. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.<

Apparently, there is a similar drink (though in a non-clam version) popular amongst the locals up in Wichita Falls, Texas called "Red Draw" — beer and tomato juice. How do things like this happen? At least they had the good sense not to taint it with the “juice” of a bivalve.

I checked out the Clamato website (a phrase I’m guessing is uttered infrequently) and found their delightful “bar page.” In case you want to whip up a “Clamato y Cerveza ” in the privacy of your own home, you need the following: Clamato, beer, Tabasco sauce, lime juice, salt, and something called chile piquin. Mix it up and pour it into an opaque glass (…because, I mean … really, who wants to look at that?), and, shoot, you’re ready to go to town. Maybe some clam-froth to top it off. And, what the hell, plop a big ol’ clam or two into the glass as a whimsical garnish. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Clam-a-licious!

I see they’re also trying to get Clamato-ites to experiment further — with tequila and vodka which, though still clammy, sounds enough like a Bloody Mary to not be completely disgusting — certainly more of a potent potable than the bewildering combo of tomato/clam juice and BEER. (Oh dear — I just saw the ingredients for the “Clamato Dorado” which involves Clamato, bourbon and … ginger ale. Mmmmmmmmmmmm.)

Sadly, I don’t see a refreshing non-alcoholic beverage for people who like to consume their recommended daily allowance of clams without fear of intoxication. Might I suggest a classy, French-ified “Clamato au Lait.” (Or if we’re still hating the French, I guess we could just call it “Clamato Olé.”) I can’t think of a better way to start the day than a big glass of red, curdled milk with a piquant clam aftertaste. Olé, indeed!

Well, I’m off for a relaxing nightcap of Chamomile and catfish juice. Mmmmmmmmmmm.


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