Oriental Trading Company Revisited

wind up teeth Having been reminded of a post I wrote a few years ago about the novelty company Oriental Trading Company (“Fun starts with us!”), I decided to see what was new in the world of OTC novelties. I checked out the website, but somehow it didn’t seem as giddily wacky on a computer screen as it did in a slick catalogue delivered to my doorstep. Still, it had a few noteworthy items.

St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner, isn’t it? It sure is. We should probably think of stocking up! How about some Sparkling Leprechaun Shoes ($3.95 a pair).

 

leprechaun shoes

 

Perhaps some Shamrock Battery-Operated Votive Candles (drastically marked down to $5.97 a dozen). (Yes, battery-operated candles!)

 

battery shamrock votives

 

Those seem too conventional? Looking for something a bit more outré? Might I suggest a dozen seven-inch Plush St. Pat’s Gorillas ($14.95 a dozen). “Faith and begorrah! These plush green gorillas have embroidered shamrocks on their tummies and think they’re leprechauns! May they fill all your St. Patrick’s Day with Irish laughter!” ‘Cause what’s more Irish than a gorilla with a shamrock on his tummy? Nothing, that’s what.

 

shamrock gorillas

 

Easter’s just around the corner. How about the delightfully named Pastel Bunny Missiles ($12.95 a dozen). “[T]hese smile face rabbit missiles are ideal for a game of catch in the backyard or park.”

 

bunny missiles

 

Or maybe a Child [sic] Crown of Thorns. (“Realistic […] made of safe, lightweight nylon.”) A necessity in this Easter pageant season.

 

crown of thorns

 

My favorite category is the Inspirational Toys & Novelties category. How about indulging in I (Heart) V.B.S. Necklaces (you can get 48 of ’em for only $4.95). (Apparently V.B.S. — “Vacation Bible School” — is the new W.W.J.D.) (And, yes, I, too, long for a prankster to replace the “V” with an “I”. Those would be featured under the Inspirational Spastic Colon Toys & Novelties category.)

There’s also “God Is Cool” Candy Powder Treat Packs (“Featuring a tropical island penguin and an inspirational message — fat-free.”).

I know when I think of Jesus I think of stirring harmonica music. That’s why I probably need to stock up on “Smile! Jesus Loves You!” Harmonicas (priced, rather dauntingly at $5.95 a DOZEN). (“Strike up the band and learn to play with these 4″ wooden harmonicas! Play classic campfire tunes or religious hymns on this instrument that proclaims ‘Smile! Jesus loves you!'”)

Finally, this last item defies description. This is what happens when you start messing around with the Fleece Cross Tied Pillow Craft Kit ($19.95, makes six). Kinda looks like a Gay Pride fringed saguaro cactus stuffed with imported polyester fiberfill. Whatever. The kid seems to like it. And, really, isn’t that all that matters?

 

rainbow cross

 

Fun really does start with the Oriental Trading Company!


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2 responses to “Oriental Trading Company Revisited

  1. theroadshowversion

    Holy crap! (it seems adequate for this post)

    While I can’t get over the Crown of Thorns for a child (imagine wearing that to church on Easter Sunday!), I’ll say that I’ve never understood the battery operated candles. I tend to flip through the channels a lot and sometimes, when there’s nothing better on, I watch QVC just for the laughs.

    They once had a whole hour devoted to flameless, battery operated candles. You needed 4 AA batteries for one of those suckers! The hell?

    I’ve never even heard of this Oriental Trading Company until now. My aunt gets all kind of crappy catalogs in the mail and now I fear that one day, I’ll see one from them in her mailbox.

  2. Sometimes I realize I’ve been left in the dust when it comes to news of industrial progress and innovation. I’ve never heard of battery-operated “candles” before — but leave it to the fine folks at QVC to provide the populace with a much-needed household appliance.

    And don’t fear the OTC — their catalogues are very … entertaining.

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