Having been reminded of a post I wrote a few years ago about the novelty company Oriental Trading Company (“Fun starts with us!”), I decided to see what was new in the world of OTC novelties. I checked out the website, but somehow it didn’t seem as giddily wacky on a computer screen as it did in a slick catalogue delivered to my doorstep. Still, it had a few noteworthy items.
St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner, isn’t it? It sure is. We should probably think of stocking up! How about some Sparkling Leprechaun Shoes ($3.95 a pair).
Perhaps some Shamrock Battery-Operated Votive Candles (drastically marked down to $5.97 a dozen). (Yes, battery-operated candles!)
Those seem too conventional? Looking for something a bit more outré? Might I suggest a dozen seven-inch Plush St. Pat’s Gorillas ($14.95 a dozen). “Faith and begorrah! These plush green gorillas have embroidered shamrocks on their tummies and think they’re leprechauns! May they fill all your St. Patrick’s Day with Irish laughter!” ‘Cause what’s more Irish than a gorilla with a shamrock on his tummy? Nothing, that’s what.
Easter’s just around the corner. How about the delightfully named Pastel Bunny Missiles ($12.95 a dozen). “[T]hese smile face rabbit missiles are ideal for a game of catch in the backyard or park.”
Or maybe a Child [sic] Crown of Thorns. (“Realistic […] made of safe, lightweight nylon.”) A necessity in this Easter pageant season.
My favorite category is the Inspirational Toys & Novelties category. How about indulging in I (Heart) V.B.S. Necklaces (you can get 48 of ’em for only $4.95). (Apparently V.B.S. — “Vacation Bible School” — is the new W.W.J.D.) (And, yes, I, too, long for a prankster to replace the “V” with an “I”. Those would be featured under the Inspirational Spastic Colon Toys & Novelties category.)
There’s also “God Is Cool” Candy Powder Treat Packs (“Featuring a tropical island penguin and an inspirational message — fat-free.”).
I know when I think of Jesus I think of stirring harmonica music. That’s why I probably need to stock up on “Smile! Jesus Loves You!” Harmonicas (priced, rather dauntingly at $5.95 a DOZEN). (“Strike up the band and learn to play with these 4″ wooden harmonicas! Play classic campfire tunes or religious hymns on this instrument that proclaims ‘Smile! Jesus loves you!'”)
Finally, this last item defies description. This is what happens when you start messing around with the Fleece Cross Tied Pillow Craft Kit ($19.95, makes six). Kinda looks like a Gay Pride fringed saguaro cactus stuffed with imported polyester fiberfill. Whatever. The kid seems to like it. And, really, isn’t that all that matters?
Fun really does start with the Oriental Trading Company!